Arrival of a Mary Sue and the Ensuing Events
by Sinical-Sarchasm
Summary: Response to a challenge my younger brother gave me. Not much else to say other than that I was under the influence of Ben and Jerry's ice cream when writing this, so forgive it its weirdness. PG for weirdness. Please R/R -- if you review it, I'll review o


A.N.: This is a little challenge my brother wrote for me. I wrote this after eating the rest of the pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream I got after the Stairway of the Stars performance last night (I got it at 11:30 or so because the performance took a long time and there were a lot of people) and it was yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ice cream ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember as you read that sugar was controlling me, so don't blame me. Also, some of the guidelines forced me into weirdness, especially the first. 

Guidelines (written by my brother):   
1. Muckers, a character, must burst into gas in the fifth sentence starting on the third word.  
2. The sixth sentence must be, "Yes," agreed Harry, "we've definitely seen a new side of Snape today."  
3. In the tenth sentence there must be ten romantic pairings.  
4. Ten new characters must be introduced in the story not including Muckers.  
5. It must be 1,372 words long, not counting the author's note, guidelines and disclaimer, by the computer's counting.  
6. The last sentence must be, "Oh yeah," said Moaning Myrtle, kissing Harry.  
7. After Harry says that they've seen a new side of Snape in the sixth sentence, Harry must levitate himself and say, "I said hey, Snoop Doggy Dawg D-O-Double G!"  
8. All made up characters must burst into tears once. 

Disclaimer: J.K. owns all HP stuff (I refuse to yield to the imperius curse Warner Bros. is trying to put on us to make us say they own all). My brother owns Muckers, the sixth sentence, and the guidelines. I own Maria Susana, Quinky, Rudolph the Blue-Tailed Rainchicken, Minnie Moose, Baby Bobby Robby Dobby, JelloFellow, Cranky Lady, FatBrat, BoingDripPopBam, and StinkyFrog. 

***

It was Harry's first day back at Hogwarts and Dumbledore made an announcement: "Students, I'd like you to meet Maria Susana Riddle, an exchange student from America." As she turned and faced them, everybody admired her despite that she was Voldemort's daughter, for she had beautiful, windswept blond-hair, blue eyes of the stormy ocean, was tall and marvelously skinny, wore the best of the designer robes, and was the most perfect girl ever, her placement in Gryffindor making her even better. 

As Harry and Ron goggled at her, Hermione said, "Ugh! She's like bratty Mary Sue the cheerleader from my elementary school." 

Maria Susana was looking quite pleased at how she was going to mess up this fanfic with her MarySue-nish, but just then, her dreams came crashing down when a retarded dork came into the room and said, "Aroo!!!! I'm Muckers!!!!!! I'll conquer all!!!!!" Just then, Muckers burst into gas, stinking up the whole great hall and making Maria Susana wrinkle up her nose in disgust and in a fit of rage towards Muckers, threw some moose animal into the air and far away, and causing Snape to dance Swan Lake and hand out candy to all the students, extras for the Gryffindors, and say, "Bravo, Muckers, bravo!!!!!!" which caused Hermione to say, "That was a part of Snape I never expected to see. 

"Yes," agreed Harry, "we've definitely seen a new side of Snape today," and then, yielding to the insanity of the place, said, "I said hey, Snoop Doggy Dawg, D-O-Double G!" 

A house-elf who introduced herself as Quinky then came out and said, "Oh! All the commotion, oh dear, my master will be most displeased!!!!!!" 

Dobby, who had had much experience with bad masters, felt sorry for poor little Quinky and therefore said, "Who is your master, Quinky? What is he doing to you?", which prompted Quinky to burst into sobs and say, "It-it is a she," and then, cowering in fear of the Power of Mary Sues, pointed to Maria Susana. 

Dobby looked shocked at how horrible this was, burst out crying for a bit in sympathy, and hugged Quinky and said, "Oh, I was thinking having Master Malfoy was bad, but I was being lucky compared to how you be!" and then started making out with Quinky, and they went into a room by themselves and...well, let's just say that STUFF happened. 

Just then, The Weird Sisters' music started playing, and couples began to dance romantically; Harry with Hermione, Ginny with Neville (this hurt her feet very badly), Prof. Snape and Prof. Trelawney, Prof. Flitwick and Prof. Sprout, Draco and Pansy, Lucius (where did he come from?) with Narcissa, Maria Susana with a very happy looking Ron, Angelina Johnson with Fred, Katie Bell with George, and Quinky and Dobby came out to dance together at the very end. Meanwhile, Muckers clapped in no particular rhythm, apparently trying to clap to the music and failing miserably, and some man who had introduced himself to everyone as BoingDripPopBam started making various loud noises such as Boing, Drip, Pop, and Bam. He also leaned over and kissed Cho for no apparent reason, directly afterwards saying, "Boing!!!!" This totally freaked Cho out, who said, "You're the weirdest person I've ever met," which hurt BoingDripPopBam's feelings, causing him to burst into tears. 

However, Quinky and Dobby had to leave before the song ended because Quinky was going into labor (apparently house elves' pregnancies are much faster than humans'), and she delivered a healthy looking house elf named Baby Bobby Robby Dobby who was given a pair of socks by Dobby and who soon started crying because the first human face he saw was that of a very cranky looking lady. 

She was patrolling around Hogwarts, and at the sight of the two happy house-elves burst into tears because she hated to see anyone happy at Hogwarts. "First I see a bunch of retarded children and even some teachers dancing about while an even bigger retard who calls himself Muckers clapped to the music, and then I see two house-elves and a new-born house-elf. What life at Hogwarts has come to! It shames me. You two should be working, especially you, Quinky -- Maria Susana needs you. Now! Go to your Maria!" 

Quinky looked totally miserable, and Dobby, feeling immensely sorry for her, said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of Baby Bobby Robby Dobby. Come back as soon as you can, and good luck surviving!" Thereafter, Quinky scuttled miserably off to help Maria Susana, and Dobby sadly walked around, head down, carrying Baby Bobby Robby Dobby. 

Quinky found Maria Susana. "What is it, mistress?" she asked miserably. 

Maria Susana looked at Quinky, "Oh, there you are. Finally. I have a mission. I have lost..." she broke into tears, and Quinky, knowing how Mary Sue-like her mistress was thought she was about to say something dramatic, "...my pet stuffed animal, Minnie Moose. She's so pretty!!!!! I always test my make-overs on her before I do it on me, and now I've lost her. Your mission is to find her. It is essential to my staying a Mary Sue. Do it. Now!!!" 

Quinky had a strong urge not to do it but knew she had to obey her mistress so went sadly on her way. 

She left Hogwarts to search for Minnie Moose elsewhere, for she knew it wasn't in Hogwarts, and in the middle of a road bumped into a girl that strongly resembled a dumpling who was carrying an ugly moose with a bow in her hair and a lot of ugly make-up smeared all over her face. 

Quinky immediately knew that it was Maria Susana's Minnie Moose, so she grabbed it from the girl and ran which made the girl, FatBrat, burst into tears. She could here the girl yelling to her mother that she didn't have "the pretty moose," and her mother answering, "It's okay, my little FatBrat-kins, I'll get you a new one right now." 

Quinky ran back to Hogwarts as quickly as she could but ran into a man with a lot of boxes in his hand. In her startled state, she dropped Minnie Moose, and the man said, "Hello, I'm the JelloFellow. See, I have lots of jello. It can make you mellow. Would you like some mellow yellow jello from the JelloFellow?" 

Quinky was freaked out by his weirdness and says, "No, I don't be wanting Jello, but I be liking you if you be giving me the moose from over there," she pointed to where the moose had landed, and the JelloFellow obliged, picking it up and giving it to Quinky, though he burst into tears because she had refused his offer of mellow yellow jello from the JelloFellow. "Thank you, " Quinky quickly said and scuttled off. She the apparently enchanted Minnie Moose had burst into tears after her last fall. 

The rest of the walk to Hogwarts was uneventful, but when Quinky sadly went to Maria Susana's room with Minnie Moose, she noticed a most eventful and unusual sight. Harry was in there and Voldemort apparated just that instant. "So. We meet again, Potter," said Voldemort in his eerie voice." Harry didn't look to scared, and soon it was obvious why: "Voldemort, you better leave, because a Mary Sue is here." Voldemort saw her, screamed, "Help!!!! A Mary Sue!!!!!!!" and quickly self-destructed in terror, leaving the world forever. 

"Hurrah!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Harry. 

Maria Susana looked flirtatiously and MarySue-ishly with Harry. "Now you kiss me for defeating Voldemort and we fall in love," and she prepared to do so. 

"No way!" Harry interjected. "I'll just banish you to the Sahara. Have fun talking with the Quidditch refs." He waved his wand and Maria Susana was gone forever. 

Two animals, a stinky frog and a blue-tailed chicken, arrived and began to celebrate the defeats of Voldemort and Maria Susana,the latter which Quinky celebrated greatly. Both the frog, whose name was StinkyFrog, and the chicken, whose name was Rudolph the Blue-Tailed Rainchicken, burst into tears of immense joy. 

Moaning Myrtle said, "I heard that you defeated Voldemort and a Mary Sue." 

"She did," yelled Quinky excitedly, to which Myrtle smiled. 

"Oh yeah," said Moaning Myrtle, kissing Harry. 

***

A.N.2: You made at all the way through? Congratulations! Now there's just one last thing to do...I think you know what it is, but in case you don't, I'll clue you in: it involves the little box directly below this note and it involves typing inside it. If you're a Harry Potter author and you do this for me, I promise I'll read at least one of your fics (as long as its not rated R or NC-17). Have a great day! 


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